you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
