sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I have post one night stand depression
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
