): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
There are leaves in my underwear?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
