Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
