Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
