i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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