I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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