party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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