Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
