It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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