Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
