I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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