There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
