yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Sext me about skeletons
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
