im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
