I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
