Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
