Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize