he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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