Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize