I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You can't motorboat a personality
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
