I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
