he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Randomize
