Already got asked if we're dating
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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