We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
