OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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