I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
