I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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