At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
