Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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