rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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