Have you finally orgasmed yet?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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