I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I FOUND THE LEGS
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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