i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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