I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Sober January is a disaster.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
