The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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