Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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