I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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