When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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