Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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