based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
