My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
