oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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