she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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