He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Barsexuality is the new black.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
