No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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