just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
my shit smells like andre
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
