would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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