Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
