dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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