Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
