Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
