I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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