That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
