My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You need Xanax blowdarts
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
