You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize