that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
