you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Randomize
