were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We have started to decorate penises.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
