Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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