I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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