hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
