so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
