I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
