Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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