Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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