I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize