I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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