the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize